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Monday, July 4, 2016

I have shears. Run.

So, I live in a place where things grow.  Lots of things.  Lots of big things, like bushes and shrubs (what the hell is the difference anyway?) and trees.  Big trees.  Big frigging maple trees.  Yes, Canada has maple trees, and maple trees love Canada. 

My neighbor loves trees too, but what she doesn't like to do is any kind of yard work so it's  the freeken Amazon jungle over there.  The branches are starting to hang over my yard, and I don't want them to because next thing you know, a plant or a tree is now growing in my yard.  A plant or tree I do not want.. For instance, the last thing I need is another maple tree.  So I have been trying to find a way to trim the plants that start to invade my yard, even though I know full well these aren't really my trees. But tell me, can trees decide to run away from home and do I have to let them?  If they are not happy where they are, maybe they just decide to  keep slowly moving away, little by little until one day they have left home and moved in with the neighbors.  And although that's kind of a sad story that makes some people want to take them in, I'm not that kind of people because I am lazy and yard work is very very hard and also really boring.  And as I've said before and I will say again, I am not that nice.

The other day Dave bought me a pair of clippers. (and yes I'm sure that was a hint.)  At least I think they are called clippers, but they kind of look more like the weapon that deranged maniac murderers in horror movies run though the woods with while chasing young teenage kids who were partying in the woods and didn't see him coming until it was too late because they were all drunk and high on something while having unprotected sex.  So Yeah, I have those clippers. I don't think they are called clippers when they are this big and almost professional looking. ( I mean professional tree workers, not professional deranged murders.)  Anyyyywayyyyyy, I have shears.  Yes,  YES!!!!  that's exactly what thy are called by people who know about yard and garden things, and also these shears are kind of hard to ignore because they are big and  they so obviously mean business.  There's no real way to hide them while trying not to be caught taking down the neighbors forest.   But really, whose tree is it when it hangs over your fence and part of it is now in your yard.  How much of it needs to be in your yard before you can claim it as yours and chop the fucker up?  And what part counts more, the roots/trunk or the branches?

These are the questions that have no answers, at least none that I care to spend time finding right now, since several passers-by my property are beginning to stake out camping spots and roast marshmallows as we speak.

That's all for now.  I have a mountain to climb and some weird native people who want to share their weed.


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