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Saturday, February 6, 2016

You Say Spaghetti I Say Butternut








Well, finally, something completely different.  A vegetable debate.

 Let me begin by saying that I wish this story wasn't true.   

Ok, really?  Truth is,  I'm glad it's true.  That makes the story better.  You really cannot make this shit up, folks.

I always knew that squash was way more controversial than most people suspect.  But I never knew that squash, a rather humble and ordinary vegetable could suffer from an identity crisis. I mean, squash is squash and you either love this vegetable or hate it. Right?  There are quite a few kinds of squash, however, which makes it a bit more interesting than, let's say spinach.  Each kind of squash is different. VERY different.  It looks different, and it tastes different.  It is so different, that you might hate hate hate one kind of squash and love love love another kind.  And I like that about squash. It's full of surprises. And as those who read my blog know, I like a good surprise now and then.

Anyway.  Yes, I like squash.  I don't recall ever meeting a squash I didn't like, but I do like certain types of squash more than others.  My favorite is butternut squash.  I have an awesome recipe I will post at the bottom of this post.  Wait. No.   No, no no no no no.   The Phantom Zucchini  is not that kind of blog.   

Ohhhhhh OK.  If you insist upon embarrassing yourselves by shamelessly begging, I guess I'll have to give you the recipe.   Real quick.  You simply Mix cut up Squash, brown sugar, pumpkin pie spice, olive oil, butter, a tiny bit of maple syrup together in a baking pan.  Bake in a 350 oven until the squash is cooked.  Ta-Da.

SO, anyway, yesterday I bought two small butternut squash.  (1st image above.)  When I got to the checkout, I tried to help by telling the cashier that it was a squash so that she could look up the code.  (People don't know their vegetables these days.) Like a smarty pants, I told her it was a butternut squash, because, you know,  it is.  Then she told me that it was a spaghetti squash. (see 2nd image above)  I (nicely) disagreed. No shit . I was actually nice.   She tried to explain, saying something about the butternut  squash now being delivered as  spaghetti squash.  Or something.  I didn't really understand what she was saying as this was obviously some sort of supermarket jargon, because it made no sense at all.  So I said, "But this is a butternut squash."  She shook her head.  "No it isn't "she said.   I asked her if she was saying that this actually is a spaghetti squash, disguised as a butternut squash, asked if I was going to go home, cut into the butternut squash and discover its spaghetti squash innards.  She nodded yes.  Like one of those "I'm sorry but I am right and you are quite horribly wrong" Yes's.

She was so adamant about this that for one teeny tiny minute I believed her a little bit.   I mean, squash is full of surprises, right?? I pictured hacking open the butternut squash as horror movie soundtrack music played and the spaghetti-like guts suddenly spilling out all over the counter while I screamed.  So No, of course I wasn't going to take that chance.   I almost put the squash back and then I had a what-the-fucking -fuck moment and looked at the cashier seeing her for the obviously deranged person that she is. Not that it was her fault, of course, I mean it must be hard to stay sane when surrounded by dead animals and rotting produce not to mention coupons and customers,yhose very old picky whiny customers on a budget armed with weekly sale flyers ready to wave it in the face of an unsuspecting and underpaid cashier.  It  is probably more than enough to make  you believe in things like squash impersonating ummm, well, squash.  

In the end I stood up for myself and my long history with squash, ran my credit card through the machine, and took my BUTTERNUT SQUASH home. I will admit my hand shook a little as I  held the knife and looked down at the squash laying helpless on the cutting board .   I made the first cut and saw no spaghetti-like guts but solid, firm orange colored squash flesh.  It was, indeed, a butternut squash. I was so damned pleased with myself, I just wanted to kiss me. 


That's it for today.  Stay tuned for more hilarious adventures brought to you by produce.

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