As all you faithful readers already know, the other day I found a half used roll of toilet paper on the snow mountain that is now sitting on my wood pile, the snow mountain, which, by the way, is now behind another enormous snow mountain which was pushed up in front of the original snow mountain by the people we pay to get the snow as far out of our lives as possible, otherwise known as The Snowmen.
Anyway, back to the TP. I decided to send this picture in a text to my sister, the crazy one, to get her take on it. It went something, if not exactly like this:
CRAZY SISTER'S TEXT
Now, only my sister could make this a story about the homeless. This is one of her sly ways of being contrary, something she does very well. For instance, Someone We Know is dating a person "he/she just met on a date" barely 2 months after the sudden death of his/her spouse. After about a week there were plans to move in together. I made a comment about the insensitivity of this action and immediate broadcast to the world, and right away Sis took Someone We Know's side, commenting that he/she deserved to be happy after living with the spouse all those years.
Me "Um, couldn't he/she have at least attempted to make this story feel like the truth, by, hmmm, I don't know, waiting a couple of months?"
Crazy Sis *something else contrary.* I had stopped listening.
Me "Nice weather."
Crazy Sis "Worst winter in 50 years."
Me: Gotta go. I have to check for homeless poop in my yard.
Crazy Sis "Homeless people don't do that. It was probably just a kid prank."
Me "Ok, I'll just check to be sure. Talk to later. Love you!"
Crazy Sis "No you don't. You broke all my angel statues when you were little."
Me "Ok, then. Fuck off."
Crazy Sis: " I'll always love you and so does God."
Me: "How do you know?"
Crazy Sis: " Because he told me.
Me: "No he didn't."
Crazy Sis: " Yes he did."
Me: "No he didn't."
Crazy Sis: "Yes he did
Crazy Sis: "Yes."
Me: " No."
Crazy Sis: "Yes. Infinity."