Hey, guess what day it is?
Yep - It's Stick it To The Man Monday!!!!!
Definition of "Man." (Thanks to Urban Dictionary)
I would add that The Man also includes large corporations designed to sell a bunch of absolute CRAP to consumers, knowing full well it is crap. Walmart, in this instance would be considered "The Man."
Ok, so. Today's Man I Want To Stick It To is large toothpaste companies, such as
CREST and COLGATE.
Remember when you used to get like 5 months out of a tube of toothpaste? Remember when if you were short on cash cuz The Man, in his attempts to keep you down didn't pay you much, or if you just kept forgetting to pick up toothpaste, you could roll the toothpaste from bottle to top and get like three more weeks out of it? Yeah, I remember too.
But, thanks to The Man, toothpaste now comes in a tube with a flip top. The flip top is designed to flip up easily but not close completely. So when you are finished with the toothpaste you close it (what you think is firmly and tightly) and lay it down on the counter and the next morning you wake to a big puddle of toothpaste that has dripped out of the tube because the flip top is designed specifically to stay open a little. This is so that a tube of toothpaste that used to last 5 months now last 5 days.
I thought that Colgate was the only company using the flip top, because recently I scored a Crest tube with a regular screw on top, but the next time I bought Crest, guess what? Yeah, word must have got out in ManVille about how great this whole flip top scheme was working and now they're all doing it. Except perhaps Toms Of Maine. Seriously if I find out that Toms of Maine is turning into The Man I'm gonna sit down, take off my fringe moccasins and cry. And then I'm going to light a joint, strum the guitar and make up a sad folk song about Toothpaste and The Man and The Sellout that Tom is.
I mean, that would be terrible. So terrible that if Tom did do that, I sure hope that Whole Foods would pull his shit from the shelves. But then, Whole Foods is most likely the man too. Oh sure, people walk around shopping in there with their Birkenstocks and gauzy blouses, but these are the faux freaks, you know the ones that just like the styles and have no idea about how serious this whole Man Keepin Us Down thing is. They just like Rice Flour and Soy Milk and are mostly allergic to everything and don't eat meat and never get angry at their children even when they act like little jerks, opening up boxes and throwing tantrums in the middle of the aisles. These people love The Man because they work for The Man and that's why they can shop at Whole Foods in the First Place.
So, Join My Stick It To The Man Club and don't buy toothpaste with flip tops even if it's made by Tom and even if it's from Maine because let's face it, The Man owns vacation houses in Maine so you never know, Tom might have sold out under the pressure of dinner invitations including the good wine. But maybe not.
So, like, if you are still using the old style screw top, Tom, I am so totally grooving to your anti-man vibes and because you are totally far out and to thank you for staying you, I award you with an honorary lifetime membership in the Stick It To The Man Club.
Peace and Love,