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Saturday, July 11, 2009

God Stole My Belt

I had this belt.

It was a wide belt and it was black with a brown part so basically you could wear it with anything. Except that I didn't. Not for very long anyway. I always ended taking it off and stuffing it in a purse or a tote bag because (a) I looked fat in it and/or (b) it was uncomfortable. But now I've gone and lost it an hence also lost the ritual of putting the belt on then taking it off and stuffing it somewhere and the thing is? I don't know what the hell to do with this time now.

And besides, where could the belt have gone? I've searched and searched. I've imagined it lost somewhere on the west coast - perhaps in Tofino and if this is the case I will never see that belt again because who the hell would want to come back if one had an opportunity to get "lost" in Tofino? Right, no one.

I've considered that Dave might have hated the belt and accidentally put it in with his stuff and in that case it will never be found again except perhaps when the post Apocalypse new society on earth finds it during an archaeological dig and decides that it is an ancient religious artifact and adopts it for their new religion, like the bone-relics of saints that some people have in a locket which is kind of totally macabre and slightly fucked up, but anyway, that would be a great outcome for my belt, who despite a rather modest beginning - from the pastures where he grazed to the discount store where I bought him, to my daily and constant adoration/rejection of him to Dave's closet where he suffered a lonely existence to revered holy relic for the people of the new frontier.

Yeah, that would be cool.

But then I realized something. Something profound. Something spiritual. Something spiritually profound. This losing the belt thing was a sign. It was a message from God. God was trying to tell me something and I don't know what it is but I bet it was something important. Perhaps he was trying to tell me not to restrain myself - not to limit myself - to expand into the vast universe untethered by things like self limitations and responsibilities and other stuff including belts.

Yeah, well turns out that wasn't what God was trying to tell me at all.



GOD STOLE MY BELT....The Video Puppet Show
Starring: Janine
Co-starring: God

video


Credits

Executive Producer.......Janine
Director........................Janine
Camera........................ Janine
Screenplay...................Janine
Editor..........................Nobody
Concept and Design ...Janine

Puppeteer Consult.......Mary
God's Wardrobe..........Giorgio Armani
Ms. Janine's Wardrobe...Canadian Tire
Makeup Expert....Crayola
Focus Group........Dave

2 comments:

  1. HAW!

    Love the video, love "God," and love the "kielbasa" line. I also love that you needed a focus group for the video.

    Hilarious.

    ReplyDelete

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