Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I found string and gave directions to the CN Tower all in one afternoon

I've been absent from the blog and I have no good reason, nor am I going to make one up, but if I were inclined to make one up I would tell you that I took a vacation to the moon to see Pee Wee's face. (Did anyone else see that headline in a "National Inquirer like" mag? - it was quite a few years ago but I believe it to this day. Pee Wee's Face Found on the Moon!!) Seriously, I could SO see his face in the moon on the cover of that mag that day. And if you were one of the ones that couldn't, someone had traced the outline around the craters for you. A big kind of shaky hand drawn looking line. It was awesome.

Ok so I didn't go to the moon. And nothing really noteworthy happened either except that I keep getting asked for directions on the street. Is this a good excuse for not blogging? Probably not, but it's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

You see, it's tourist season here in Toronto and I'm glad to say that I must not look like a tourist, and also I must look like I know where I'm going and ask anyone who knows me and if you don't know anyone like that except Dave then ask Dave because he'll be happy as a clam to tell you that I am absolutely without a doubt the most directionally challenged individual on the planet. Except for those on life support or taxi cab drivers.

Today's group of visitors to our friendly city wanted to go to the CN Tower. I don't blame them. I want to go there someday too I just haven't yet because I'm saving myself for my own flesh and blood visitors. When I have visitors I will take them to the CN Tower and I will be as excited as they will be to see it.

When I figure out where it is, that is.

Yes, these visitors didn't speak too much English but they were strangers in a strange land and because of this commonality, I bonded with them immediately and did my best "talking to a non-English-speaking-tourist-using-hand-gestures-not-in-any-way-to-be-confused-with-sign-language-because-sometimes-it-involves-making-my-fingers-"walk" routine. And anyway, the best I could do and trust me this was best for all involved was to tell them that they were pretty far away from the CN Tower and they should get a cab, and then said taxi because I figured they'd know at least one of those words. Whether they did or not I don't know but they smiled and nodded and said thank you clear as a bell and I felt so good about myself for a whole five minutes.

I have also been spending my time dabbling in what I like to call The Downtown Scavenger Hunt. This is where you need some stupid little thing and you don't have a car so you can't just jump in the car and head on over to Walmart where all the stupid things are, so you have to figure out where you will find these stupid things within walking distance. Today my hunt involved the finding of the cheese identifiers. Does anyone know what those things are really called? You know, those things that you stick in the cheese that let people at your party know what kind of cheese they are about to eat? Yeah, those. Anyway, I did find those - in fact the ones I found are reusable. Like a white board, only small and on sticks and for cheese and parties, not for corporate discussions in hot conference rooms about stuff you don't really care about in the least. Cheese may not be the most exciting thing in the world but in my world it is way more exciting than work meetings.

I also found string.

No. People. Listen. Sometimes we need string. We need string to - tie things. And string is not an easy thing to find. Can you find it in a supermarket? If so, what aisle would it be in? It's really really hard to find string, however I found it easily the minute I walked into the market, which is what we non-tourists call The St. Lawrence Market. Anyway it was in a bin with lots of string. Who knows why and quite frankly who cares? All I know is I checked "string" off my list of things to hunt for downtown, and I checked Cheese Identifiers too even though I don't think they are called that at all.

And I blogged.

Successful day.

UPDATED: Reenactment of Actual Event!!!!!


  1. I thought in Canada you had to make your own string...

  2. I went on a scavenger hunt for a plunger in Denver once. Good times. Also, I am in walking distance to a Cheese Identifier store, which I will have to list as a selling point if we ever put the house on the market.

  3. Libby - RIGHT! Of course. No wonder I couldn't find it.

    Susan - oh looking for a plunger is usually an emergency situation and you were in Denver? This is a story I must hear.

  4. When my husband and I visited Toronto last fall (lovely city!), we just looked up, pointed to the CN Tower, and then followed our fingers. It worked for the most part.

  5. Again, Canadians are weird. I don't trust you guys-- you may have your own bacon (actually that is pretty awesome), but something's not quite right with all the benign good cheer and policemen with funny hats. I'm keeping an eye on you, Canada....

  6. JD - yes that does work mostly although sometimes you get in trouble - what with the trick your eyes play with distance and all and how much easier it is to walk with your fingers - not so much with your feet. When unsure, take a cab that's my motto.

    Kim - I understand completely since I've been here less than a year and although my manners have improved considerably I have not yet ceased to be amazed. The other day a woman was almost hit by a car and she aplogized to the driver profusely. Yeah, something is definitely wrong with that. I'm not a fan of the bacon and also the sausage is different. However it's the metric system that is the real bitch. 300 grams seems like a lot of luncheon meat.

  7. This is fucked up.


    I don't think that is really my voice.

  8. I loved hearing from you today! Great post! That scavenger hunt sounds fun!!!!!!!!!!



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