Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Before you go out, look in the mirror. Or don't. But don't come crying to me later.

 I'm sure that you have worried about fashion sense quite a bit while shopping in overcrowded overly-cold/hot supermarkets filled with annoying people.  Of course.  You've probably done it more than once..  We all do.  I mean you never know who you will run into in these very popular hangouts.  But in your rush to get out and make the most of the 3 for the price of 1 sale on canned green beans, you may want to take a good long look at yourself in the full length mirror before you leave the house.  This post is written as a public service, for both those who wear inappropriate or just plain ugly clothes in public, and for those who are forced to witness this needless and tasteless display.

Cougar Couture    Ok,  first of all I don't get it.  I am quite relieved to be at an age where I don't have to care all that much about how I look when I go out to do my everyday duties, like my part time gigs as a lumberjack and a personal shopper.  So it boggles my mind (which is so very easily boggled) when I see something like this in the supermarket in the middle of the afternoon, which means that we cannot blame it on too much coffee or wine or even dim lighting.  Note:  The artist's rendition of this cougar sporting her new Winter ensemble does not do the real shocker presentation justice, as you cannot fully appreciate the patterned leggings, a mix of zigzags and hearts and wild animals. And also?  The heels on the boots were much more stiletto (adjusted here for safety reasons) as this woman was older that she looks in this sketch, way WAY too old for this outfit  and so I don't want to give other elderly ladies the wrong idea.  Ladies, this outfit  is so wrong on so many levels, but if  this undeniable fact doesn't stop you from wanting to dress like this when you are over 43.5 years old, resist doing so simply to prevent breaking a hip. Or something.  You've been warned.
I want to repeat.  This is not me.      
Note that she has no cart and no food. Obviously she is here for an entirely different reason.

By contrast, the sexy ensemble below is my usual shopping getup.  Now I want to you to note that although I usually don't give a rat's ass how I look, I have managed to color coordinate my sweater (circa 1982) and my shoes.  I have a very trendy over the shoulder bag that I keep pushing to the back and it keeps sneaking forward which is how I manage to keep my girlish figure.  Upper arm exercises use quite a few calories.  This is a little known sort-of-fact.   My yoga pants, although never used even once for during Yoga or any other on-purpose exercise, are quite comfortable both at home or in public places, which means that this is a very versatile  day/night outfit , and even proved to be comfortable while transitioning from night to day, aka while sleeping. At least that's what I heard from others who also care very little about style and are just too tired to care about anything, really. They don't even care if they sleep in their daytime clothes.
I have to admit.  This is me.
Note all the loose green items in my cart.  Clearly I am concerned about my diet, my carbon footprint  all the animals and the birds and the people who have less than me. Oh, and it may also suggest that I also hope that I don't end up in a long check out line and miss Dr. Phil.  Science has proved that you can shop faster and more efficiently while wearing ugly unfashionable clothes.


  1. ive always gone for the dressed in the dark line of couture my vile aged mother likes to point this out on every occassion and still expects me to walk in a different aisle at the supermarket and use a different till

    1. Kate, I hate to say this, but your mother may have an excellent idea here. Imagine our own parts of the store! Everyone dressed like they don't give a shit! Likeminded Lazy style-less people all gathered in one place that ISN'T Wallmart. Oh, surely heaven must be this good....

  2. I too have witnessed this cougar couture...I'm not sure that these women realize the kind of lighting that this store has?( what that saying about a long tooth and a horse?) I also love that you made the expiry date at 43.5...which gives me 2 months of dressing like I'm trying to pick up a 25 year old in a dimly lit bar. I also would like to mention what is with the "people" who actually wear full on P.J"s to shop???? Like you said let's find a happy medium people.

    1. Christine, you should make the most of those 2 months, because you will never get them back. I'm sure I still have some of my "expiration date is near" wear somewhere in the attic you can borrow. Lots of spike heels, Victoria's secret stuff ect. I also have about 200 lovely and not-at-all-practical purses!


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