Wednesday, January 14, 2015

"If the doors of perception were cleansed things wouldn't be so germy"

Ok, remember when I told you that I am a bit uncomfortable when men hold doors open for me?  Yeah, well, just because I admitted to that, doesn't mean in any way, shape or form that I want to be the one holding the doors.  Because I don't. 

And, you know, if men are no longer interested in holding doors for women, I am perfected ok with that.  Big deal.  So you go ahead and have a nice life knowing that mine will not be any less wonderful just because I have to open and close my own doors, ok? Ok. Get out of here.

But, seriously,  I draw the line at holding doors for men.  I am not THAT KIND of feminist.  I'm the kind who wants all the good parts of it but non of the bad.  And by bad, I mean, anything that forces me to do any more shit than I already do.  And besides,  doors are germy and probably why I am a little sick today.  During the Winter when we all have perfectly good excuses to wear gloves, there is no need for anyone to touch germy things with their bare hands.  Especially doors.  They are super DIR TEE. 

But you can't get away from doors because doors are everywhere,  so today I pulled open the door to the post office, unaware that people who are very old and are the size of hobbits might be behind the door, so low to the ground that I wouldn't be able to see them, even though the door has a window.

So, upon pulling the door open, I noticed nothing strange at first but them I looked down, you know, way down to Middle Earth, and saw a Santa Clause hobbit. I knew it was a Santa Clause hobbit because of the white beard and the big feet.  Santa Claus Hobbit looked pretty mad because I guess I opened the door and he almost fell or maybe because he's just got one of those faces, you know, like Old Lady's face, SEE FULL STORY HERE  so I apologized and then slipped him Old Lady's phone number cuz maybe all she needs is a little Santa Hobbit and she won't be so grumpy anymore. I mean I've heard that once you go hobbit you never go back.  And there's a chance that they might make a cute couple and get starring roles in those movies that are way too long and too make believe for me, Or maybe their own reality show called "The Little Old Grouchy Hobbits With Mean Faces Couple." or something... I mean, people will watch anything these days. Anyway,  something would surely HAVE to happen because Hobbits are from the land of really long books and Magical Things, so yeah, something would happen for sure.  I just don't want to be around to see it.

PS:  If you look on the sidebar you will see a Twitter follow me button, where you can enjoy #mystupidlife tweets and add your own.  I know it's going to be hard to beat a Santa Hobbit sighting, but I have faith in you people.

Ok, that's it.  Go wash your hands.

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