Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Ain't Got Nothin At All

Last night I was thinking about blogs, and blog posts, and wondering if I had any new topic ideas or any ideas at all and the the answer was a very loud and quite sad, yet resounding no.

So I began thinking about how I might come up with some ideas.  It was then that I realized I now had yet another item to add to the long  List of Less-Than-Positive Things About Myself that I Can Blame On My Parents. 

Yep, I can't tell you how many times my parents would say the words that would go on to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Insidious and also very slimy and gross as a demonic worm, the words
 "Don't get any ideas."  
would burrow deep into the darkest places of my soul and invade the inner sanctum of my brain and probably other places I do not want to talk or even think about.

 So, yeah.   I'm sorry, but I can't come up with anything.   Mom told me not to.

No, wait.  Wait just a second.  Hold on.

You know what?    I'm a grown woman, and it's within my right as a grown woman to have ideas.  Maybe it's time to break the rules.  Yes!  It's Time Alright.  Time to listen to me good.

Yeah, no more jello for me, Mom!  I'm gonna get me some ideas, a lot of ideas and there is nothing, not a damned thing you can do about it!  My mind is going to be so full of ideas, someone will have to open up my head and dump them into  Tupperware containers, neatly marked with a label and a Sharpie and stored in overly organized kitchen cabinets!!

But first, before I rush into having ideas,  it might be wise to do some research, you know maybe investigate  where ideas, especially good ones, actually come from, how is one inspired, so I'll go do that and be back.

Ok, I'm back and after hours and hours and hours of study I learned, among lots of other things,  that usually, in order to get ideas one has to be willing to leave the house.

Yeah. Um.  That's gonna be tough.

But ok.  Let me get my coat.  Oh shit, it's raining.


Did you ever try to take a picture of rain? You can't.  You can take a picture of someone getting rained on, or someone standing under an umbrella or puddles, but then you just have to assume it's raining. And honestly, after looking at some of these pictures you can absolutely tell that it is not raining, especially the ones where girls all dressed up are pretending to be afraid of getting wet.  Those are totally fake because nobody frolics in the rain. No one is afraid of rain. No one I've ever actually seen in person anyway.  Note that you can't actually see rain in this photograph, but  um anyway so.............yeah.

 Yep. Rain.  That's always fascinating.

This is a photo of a basket full of Christmas things.   The thing in the middle is a candle.  It's not real, but one of those battery operated ones.  You couldn't see the fake wick in the photo for some reason, so I drew it in with my Paintbrush program (yes, you heard me correctly.  Hold on a minute.  I have to put a videotape in the Betamax Player.) 
Now there is something rather interesting about these battery operated candles, and that is that they have a timer on them.  You can put them on with the timer and they go out on their own and go on again....but the weird part is, they don't go on at the same time everyday.  It's random. 
I find this disturbing, like these candles are starting to have too much power.  I bought them simply to put in places where no candles have gone before, because real candles can start fires.  I never intended them to get to uppity, turning themselves on at all hours of the day, whenever they feel like it.  And I also noticed that while they all turn on at the same time, they do not all go on at the same time every day, so surely they have devised a way of communicating.   Certainly this can only mean one thing.  They are up to something.They are planning some sort of takeover.  The oil lamps look a little nervous, but I think the real candles can take 'em, so ...........................................ummmm yep.  
We'll revisit this another time. Stay posted for new developments as they happen.

The Part Where I Resort to Talking About And To The Cat.....

Yep, I asked shannon for some ideas.  She played the dumb card, although one shake of the treat bag and she'd be offering me ideas in three different languages as well as in braille.  Just now she chose to leave my warm dry house to sit outside in the pouring rain, so really, how many good ideas could she have anyway.

So, that's about it.  No ideas, no way to photograph rain, no way to tell what the candles will do next.  No help from the cat.  Oh for God's sake, NO WAY IS IT ONLY FOUR O'CLOCK.



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