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Friday, February 7, 2014

I'm in Eternal Debt Because Of This One. That's how good it is.

I live in a small town that "thrives" on tourism.  The only problem with this is that for about seven months out of the year we are basically tourist-less, which, on the upside, does allow people who actually live here to find the occasional parking spot and walk down the sidewalk without getting into a "walking jam," however,  it is not good for business.

Yes, yes, committees have been formed and inspired brilliant ideas have spilled from the mouths of people who may have not even known these ideas were living in their heads but that's because they weren't until some ENTITY  muse decided to put them there, and we all know that this won't likely end well because there's always some deal involved with any magical being, even muses (really, don't believe me? Then why do so many artists go insane? Yeah. ok.)  Anyway, back to the deal.

There is always a deal in which the "host"  will be expected to live up to his/her end of the bargain, leading, inevitably to head spinning and that strange cold fog released from the mouth as the host speaks in a strange voice, sometimes referred to as "tongues."   Hey, but  whatever! Like I always say - live dangerously, man. Far out.  So, anyway, the point is,  people offer suggestions, some brilliant, some not and many that have already been tried and failed, leaving those who offered ideas with satanic debt not even settled by death.

You see?   This, my friend, is why I am not on committees.  Besides, as we all know by now I am a quitter, and damned proud of it.  So shut up.

But....where was I?  Oh, yes.  Cannibalism. Well, sometimes it's a little boring here in the Winter.   All the restaurants are closed except one.  Many of the stores close for the Winter, the mermaids are tucked in their sea shell beds until Spring, and the post office becomes the happening place once again.  So, yesterday,  as I headed down the cold deserted streets,  walking by store after store with hand written signs announcing that they were closed until May, or forever, or that they were moving, some instructing customers to ring the bell to wake up the shopkeeper who was napping in the back,  I had an inspiration after which I quickly copyrighted as my own before some demon could lay claim to it and start making me hurl green vomit at everyone (although if I could CHOOSE the target for this activity it might be fun.)

Anyway, I just stood there, looking at the street and the grey sky, imagining broken windows releasing tattered curtains that wave eerily in the cold wind and stripped-down cars lining the streets, as a lone sou'wester rolls across the street like tumbleweed.

And it was then that I had a brilliant idea ©
No Demons

A Zombie- Apocalypse Theme Park. ™©

Zombie Land - Something for the Whole Family

So, here are the suggested businesses almost-guaranteed to be winners: Author's Note: items marked with a check mark indicate suggestions have already been claimed by very slick, very fast entrepreneurs. We are still open to interest in hotels however, as this is going to be big, very big. Other opportunities available pending town board approval, so check back often.

1.  Open all night, all you can eat Human and Chips joint, fish patties shaped like human body parts, fried and served with Finger Chips.✔
2.  Zombie Lingerie Shop.  Who says gross can't be sexy?✔
3.  Ice cream Parlor  - complete with blood shakes, frozen armsicles, etc. (be creative)✔
4.Amusement Park rides involving turned over cars going round and round,  mazes with the the roaming undead around ever corner.✔
5. Theme based Hotels, modeled after survivalist bunkers, no electricity, heat or hot water. ✔
6.  Night Roaming Tours, if you dare.✔
7.  Zombie souvenir shops,  and lots of them.  Be creative.   Think Zombie-Mermaid, Zombie Mouse, etc. ✔
8.  (Permit/license permitting) Zombie Strip Club cuz there's nothing sexier than undead girls who crave human flesh ✔ (see item 2)

Act fast.  Don't Delay.

-The Mangement

What is your area of interest?
Restaurant/Food/Drink Services
Amusement Park/Arcade
Casino /Gambling
Legal Prostitution/ Strip bars
Theme-based characters
I am a Zombie and I am offended
You are brilliant. You should be famous.
Poll Maker

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