Look. This isn't the first time I've lived in a small town. I was born in a small town, just like John Mellencamp (formerly Cougar for some reason) and so, you know, I get it.
But what I am not currently getting is this whole dog walking thing. See, in the city, folks walk their dogs because let's face it, city dogs are already not living in the way they were not meant to live. Most spend their days all cooped up in a small apartment, then forced to wear embarrassing human clothes in public and get stuffed into purses, so why not just accept the fact that we have robbed them forever of their true nature just to turn them into Pagent Pups, limiting their freedom and exercise to three or four walks on a leash a day, in which poop is scooped up in a plastic bag and disposed of in a public tax payer supported public disposal container? Right, why the hell not? Hey, it's the way things are now. Embrace the insanity.
But if you live in a small town in the country, a place with nothing but land and fields and grass and ocean and sand and well, nature, a place where most people live in houses, or in apartments inside houses and these houses have yards with grass, the perfect place for dogs to do their duty, then why in the world do so many people walk their dogs instead of letting them run around (on a lead or not if they are street smart) in their own yards?
Why? I'll tell you why. They don't want to pick up the poop.
I watch people walk up and down the street everyday with their dogs and stop to let them poop and pee in other people's yards. And I have seen exactly one person in almost three years actually pick up the poop. One. So you may now stop wondering why my yard, the yard belonging to a family without a dog, looks like a "spring garden mix" salad. How good do you think dog pee is for a lawn? It's not good at all, as a matter of fact, and according to this SITE there are three reasons that dog urine burns grass, but honestly it's just such a boring topic I'm not even going to continue down this road because if you are the type that likes this stuff, well then rock on, go to the link and get happy, but I am just going to mention one very interesting tidbit from that site and it's this. Apparently female dog urine is even more toxic, (1) which explains why witches used their urine in those bottles people find inside the walls of old houses in England. Course other things are found inside these bottles too but that's another story for another day, perhaps on a day in which you feel the need to get revenge on some bitch at work.
But for now, let's get back to doggy do-do.
Anyway, I watched this guy walk up the street the other day with his dog and he didn't even pretend to be blind to the fact that his dog was peeing on the neighbor's lawn. You know most people at least pretend they don't see it happening. They just sort of leisurely stop at the border of the lawn and pretend to talk on the cell phone or something while their dogs
I felt like I should do something but, you know, I didn't. See in small towns, no one has any balls and yes, that includes me. People here never come right out with anything, like "Hey, maybe you should stop
So, well, in my defense (the worlds most pointless activity) I did do one thing. I stared at him. Sorry, it's all I got. Of course, it had no effect whatsoever, because these guys are good at pretending to be blind to just about everything, so me staring at him will obviously matter little as (a) well it's me, and I'm so damned terrifying, right? (b) according to him, there's nothing to stare at, just "walkin' the dog." (c) Um. never mind. So I said some swear words and walked away, all Xena, Warrior Princess-like, because I am a bad ass.
And that's why yesterday I took the curtains down.
I pretended it was to let more light in, argued that it would help with my
And as God is my witness, I will make a difference, without force or violence, armed with nothing more than my evil stare.
(1) Why does that make me feel proud and somewhat amazingly awesome?