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Saturday, February 1, 2014

By Any Other Name I Smell Exactly The Same







You know, yesterday it became clear to me that everyday, little by little, more and more of our rights are being taken away, usually when we are not looking because we are busy staring intently at some new fangled gadget obviously designed to distract us from more important things happening right in front of our noses, such as the fact that we are no longer "encouraged" to go by more than one name.

Remember the good ole' days when people became wild west outlaws and then adopted fabulous bad-ass outlaw names like Jesse James and Butch Cassidy?  Those were awesome times, were they not? I mean, there is an allure to having an "outlaw" name, obviously -  as there are so many people I know who have given up perfectly good identities, homes, families, jobs (ok, truthfully, they were probably pretty-much done with the job anyway) to jump on trains with nothing but a bandana on a stick and a harmonica or a banjo to travel God-knows-where with a bunch of smelly strangers in a box car.  Why would one do this, you ask.  Well because if you do not live in the Wild West, then this is the only other way you can easily change your name to what is known as a "hobo name."  MY OWN HOBO LEGEND HERE.

Now, I'm not saying that you can't change your name. Hell I've done it all over the internet, regularly.  But, in the REAL WORLD it just isn't that easy is all I'm saying and it's not legal. And It looks suspicious.  Or cheap.  I mean sometimes, some people end up with a few more names under their belts, maybe perhaps (just as an example)  because they were somewhere like Vegas or Reno and that Wedding Chapel place with all those gaudy flashing red lights around the sign was just too good a photo opportunity to resist and next thing you know she/he wakes up with someone in which he/she shares more than originally bargained for.  Or something.  And now there's another hyphen to deal with.  And it just looks cheap, really.  So maybe those names you just try to forget.  But where were we?  Ummm....outlaws, hobos, mistakes made while in Vegas, NAMES!  (DAMN YOU MENOPAUSE BRAIN!!!!)

SO, Names, yes. Well, I used to have a name I don't have now because I married Sir Dave, whose last name is "Stupidhead" (but don't tell anyone.)  However,  I still have some mail that is addressed to me using my old last name, "Smartypants," because of bank accounts and credit card accounts that I haven't bothered to change the name on but this is a boring detail nobody is interested in and also why do I feel the need to justify this?  Right.  So.  I have my legal married name, and my pre-married name.

I get some mail once in a while.  Usually it's addressed to Princess Stupidhead, but sometimes, mail comes addressed to Princess Smartypants.   Let me back up a bit.  We have PO boxes here and you have no choice in this decision and if you complain you will be put in a camp.  At the beginning of time here, I filled out the forms putting all THREE names on the form (including Sir Dave.)  Since then I have had to report missing mail 4 times.  All four times I was told everything looked like it was correctly in the system, but it would be noted.  (You know, what does "noted" really mean these days?)

So when my last 2 insurance bills did not arrive (although strangely the policy and the first bill did) I once again questioned the lovely and very friendly woman at the post office, who couldn't have possibly had anything to do with this mistake as she was just too knowledgeable and capable, and she checked the system and low and behold did not see any notation about Princess Smartypants being attached to that PO Box.

People.  I've lived here almost three years.   That's longer than I rode the rails, for God's sake.   So apparently, someone is either (a) screwing up having a bad day (b) has decided that it will not longer be acceptable to have two "mail " names, this decision made without having any authority whatsoever or (c) is one step away from becoming a hobo and doesn't care about the quality of his work anymore because pretty soon he's going to be known as Boxcar Dilbert And His No Name Banjo Sue.

Anyway, it's apparently cleared up now, just like that pimple on my ass.  Yeah.  Continuing stories rock the world. 


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