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Friday, January 6, 2012

Intervention Exorcist Wanted

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Yep. It's winter. People around here began warning us about the winters here starting around August. There was some mention of unemployment, boredom and cannibalism. I paid little to no attention, distracted as I was back then with this thing called sunshine.

I figure Winter cannot be too bad as long as you keep busy and keep your mind occupied with things other than naps, chocolate and the newest items for sale in the "dollar" store. There were some darn nice fuzzy socks for sale there last week.

It's also important, at this time of year, to have regular contact with other humans. Amusing people are best. For example, we recently entertained a man who can see dead people. He informed us that he did this in his "former life" which I assumed meant that he used to do this professionally years ago, but later wondered if he meant that literally. Anyway, it was very entertaining and interesting to find out that we, indeed, have a squatter living in our garage.

As you know, our "garage" is now Dave's place, all but one part in the back that is being reserved to become the future "guest suite." Turns out, according to our psychic expert, that we already have a guest - and that in life, this was our ghost's "workshop." So strong was his fondness for this place that even death couldn't keep him away . Oh. And? He was very fond of rum.

Yes. We have a drunk ghost. I mean, c'mon. You've seen the movies, right? You know how ghosts are always doing things no one expects and scaring the bejesus out of unsuspecting normal people who just bought their dream house and now have pig faces in the window every night. Yes, ghosts can do some scary shit - but we have a drunk ghost. D.r.u.n.k. Can you believe it? Even my ghosts are dsyfunctional.

I do not like unexpected unpredictable things (or people.) I am a fan of all things planned, scheduled, mapped out, booked and confirmed, so at the risk of offending certain groups of undead alcoholics, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say, with a certain amount of authority, that drunk ghosts are a big no-no - for me, anyway. I'm sure there are more open minded people out there. I'm just not one of them.

But anyway, the point is that this is the kind of distraction needed to keep the mind busy so that in the middle of February you don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over againyou don't find yourself typing the same sentence over and over again

and then, before you know it you're in the middle of a snowstorm running away from some guy with an axe and to top it all off, the snowcat won't start. And the guy with the axe is dead. AND drunk.

And we all know, you can't kill a dead person. You can only sic a bad-ass priest on him armed with an aspersorium full of holy water and a crucifix.

Yeah.

I'm putting my money on the drunk dead guy.