If You Do Something Stupid and You're Not Around To Care, Did It Really Happen?

Dave and I have finally decided on our philosophy.

Apathy.

Yeah, apathy - you know, as in I don't give a shit. Fuck it. Nevermind.

See, lately we have become way too involved in our condo issues. We even made the mistake of getting on the condo email list, these emails a more than daily reminder that most people have way too much time on their hands.

It's interesting that while people will choose condo living (as in communal only without the sleeping/eating/bathing together thing) they really truly with every molecule in their bodies hate their community as a whole and their neighbours specifically. Most of these people want to live in a condo but live like they own a private home.

Yeah, nice try.

So anyway, as I always say - ok, I haven't ever said this before but here goes - The Universe Delivers Messages Loud and Clear and Also? That Darned Universe has a Nutty Sense of Humor.

Yesterday, just prior to Dave and I coming up with, agreeing upon and sealing the deal with blood and pinky swears our new philosophy, we were really fired up over the latest condo email thread of doom which involved increased fees to use the guest suite. I had just created the worlds most fantastic never to be topped reply to the group and I sent it, feeling darn good as I heard the little Apple jet plane sound (I think they call that the iSwoosh) that lets you know that your email has departed towards its destination.

About a half hour later Dave called me to announce that he had done the "stupidest thing he'd ever done."

Has anyone ever said this to you? If not, then you'd probably panic unless the person who was saying it did all kinds of stupid things regularly. Then you'd probably be curious but not terrified.

Anyway I have, in my life, had plenty of people say that kind of thing to me, mostly because I have very very entertaining friends and family members who really don't get too upset when they do stupid things because when they do they know that there is no story equal in value to the one in which you really embarrass yourself. So anyway, my point is and I do have one is that when Dave said that he'd just done the stupidest thing in the world, I figured how bad could this be?

Kinda bad, my friends, kind of bad. He decided to reply to me (via email) to say that he loved my NY Times Bestseller List Worthy email to the condo people and as usual he signed his name with some other name. He usually uses completely fictitious names like Rastas or Pedro but not today, my friends, not 2day. Today he signed it Donkey Dave.

And he hit reply to all.

pausing for reaction

Of course I pissed myself laughing. What did you expect?

But poor Dave was horrified. Now in my life I have done many unbelievably stupid things, and before I learned the Secret to Getting Past Your Embarrassments, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and recall (in chronological order) every stupid thing I had ever done. But then I realized that if you tell someone about it you feel better. So I did. Then I realized that if you tell another person you feel even better. And then - a breakthrough. I figured out that the more people you tell, the better the story gets and you kind of embellish a little and soon the story isn't really about you anymore and ta-da!! No more embarrassment.

So I instructed him to do just that. And he did.

But the moral here, the lesson so hysterically delivered by the Universe, my friends, is this.

Not too much is worth getting all worked up about. Seriously.

So, we vowed to follow our new apathetic lifestyle and we will now do a lot of shrugging and changing of subjects.

It's going to be great.

UPDATED: I just got an email from one of the other condo owners saying that she thought that Dave and I should be on the condo board. I guess I should have emailed everyone about our new philosophy. I'm pretty sure those who follow the apathy approach to life do not become board members of anything.