As some of you may know, my computer crashed a while back. Yes, it was a rather outdated laptop from "old country" as Dave used to say in his best Old Country accent complete with look of disdain, but I loved Old Computer from Old Country because until it died, it worked just fine. It was like those old people you hear about, you know, the ones still did (insert some activity usually thought too exhausting/ambitious/daring for old people) every single day until the day he/she died (and of course this is how whoever discovered them dead knew something was wrong as in "when Alfred didn't show up for his sky diving session, I knew something was wrong.")
So Old Computer from Old Country died, and I got New Computer from New Country and of course New Computer didn't have a chance because even if it had been better than Old Computer, even if it didn't take me a week to fix the keyboard settings so I could actually type a coherent sentence and even if it did take me weeks to reload all new software and even if just recently I finished putting all my iTunes back on and actually installing the battery, it didn't have a chance. Because New Computer from New Country was the widow's new husband. Yes, New Computer was competing with a dead computer and you know how well that usually turns out.
But, just recently I began to warm up to New Computer. Sure it wasn't Old Computer. But then, there will never be another Old Computer. He was one of a kind. And New Computer was trying. I had managed to type whole paragraphs without hitting the / key instead of the return, I
had reloaded all my documents/pictures/software. I even finally bought the real version of LView, instead of using the trial version which was on day 326284 of it's 30 day trial. I was starting to get used to it, maybe even starting to like it a little.
We began spending time together in the morning. I had made this resolution to write every morning so I'd carry New Computer into "The Lodge" and write until it was time to get Dave's sorry ass out of bed.
New Computer and I were really starting to bond. I apologized to him for not being more attentive earlier, and explained to New Computer that it was hard for me to trust now - you know, after the shock of losing Old Computer. I confessed to New Computer that for a while I was expecting him to leave me too, and that's why I kept backing things up regularly. I told New Computer it wasn't about him, but about me and my fears of abandonment.
And then I announced to New Computer that things were different now. They were changing. I hadn't backed up my iTunes the last couple of times I bought music and I hadn't backed up the Quickbooks for about a month or so. I hoped that New Computer would see this as a sign of good things to come.
But instead, New Computer shut down. Yes, New Computer was just waiting for this moment - waiting for me to let my guard down and in my time of vulnerability, New Computer played his evil hand. I tried to talk some sense into him, tried to coax him into coming back. When I think about all the begging and pleading and bargaining I did with New Computer I have to hang my head in shame and wonder what the hell I've become. Am I one of those women who have to pay Computers to spend time with me?
So I did what any woman in my situation would do. I sent New Computer off to the country for a well-deserved vacation. It's a nice place, really - a spa with all the relaxing activities that computers enjoy, hard drive reformatting, virus scans, deep registry massages. Men with thick framed glasses touch them gently and give them positive re-enforcement.
And while that good for nothing, freeloading, evil thing-that-calls-itself-technology is off enjoying himself, I am too.
With Dave's MacBook Pro. Sturdy, yet sexy. The keyboard is receptive to the slightest touch. It's easy, uncomplicated, ready to meet all my needs, satisfy my every desire without expecting me to know things I shouldn't have to worry my pretty head about, you know, like settings and html.
Mac asks for nothing in return. I never worry that he's going to leave me because he was and he never will really be mine. Besides, you can't hold onto beautiful things like this. You can only appreciate them, thank them for the joy they bring to your life even if it's only for a little while, and then sigh.
comic found here