Sunday, May 10, 2009

You learn alot about mothering from your own mother.

Author's note: This begins a very cautionary tale.

Here are some highlights of Life With My Mother.

1. She wore a tiara everywhere (including the supermarket) for a week once.

2. She recently wrote her own obituary reportedly claiming that she left no survivors. (I have three siblings.)

3. In a fit of rage once, she ripped the head of a china doll who lived in a glass case - it was a present from my father's brother and his wife and I'm still pissed off because I loved that doll. The whole broken mess was thrown out before I saw Wednesday Addams Marie Antoinette doll on TV and realized headless dolls could be your friends too.

4. She gave my friend Betty Kennedy the much-coveted (I checked the number of chocolates left in there daily) empty lacy heart shaped valentines day box and suggested she store her crayons in there.

5. She never bought enough candy on Halloween. One year we ran out, so she gave out fruit, then we ran out of fruit so she gave out potatoes.

6. She cancelled the much awaited trip to the beach and tried to convince me that "swimming" in the bathtub with your bathing suit on was just as much fun.

7. When I was seven, she bought me a white bathing suit with "Future Miss Universe" on the front. It was completely see-through.

Mom, Happy mother's day!!

Kids, I'm so sorry. You didn't have a chance.


  1. I think I know why my daughter announced early on she is never having kids. I hope she doesn't write a post like this someday, but she could. Some of those things your mom did sound eerily familiar, and I'm not talking my mom! Can I claim insanity or just deep dark depression?

  2. #4 - that's not okay. I remember those boxes. This morning Chris told his mother we were having quiche at the house for brunch. "Oh," she said. "Have fun."

    Good times indeed.

  3. Tiny Dancer - I'm gonna go with either deep dark depression (as I suspect was the case w/Mom) or eccentricity the definition of which is "crazy behavior of the elderly." So if you are old, you can use the second excuse. If you aren't I guess you could say you are a "free spirit."

  4. Sue - oh. The lace and satin and sometimes they had big flowers on them. I can still see it. And then I saw it weeks later, the inside all stained with crayons.

    I'm sure the thing with Chris' mother was a misunderstanding.



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