Saturday, June 14, 2014

Jennifer Aniston is a Null and Voider and I don't think Alan Alda is sexy even when he runs around naked.

I subscribe to Netflix.  I know, that's nothing to brag about but then, I wasn't bragging. Obviously I wouldn't brag about subscribing to Netflix, especially Canadian Netflix which has a movie library of about 54 titles, not all in English.

I am telling you this because .......hold on I lost my train of thought - oh yeah, I'm telling you this because I have a bit of time on my hands, which is why I watch Netflix sometimes and sometimes I watch funny movies.  Yeah, go ahead.  Judge me. Anyway, the part I love the most about Netflix are the reviews written by subscribers. Sometimes I don't even watch the movies, just read the reviews.  They are quite.....well, dumb usually, but there is nothing funnier than stupid. That's what I always say.  Well, not always but I think I said it at least twice, and neither of these times occurred while  I was living with my ex-husband.

I watched this movie the other day called......Um, hold on.  I have to check.  Ok, i'm back - yeah, it was called "Wanderlust."  and stars Jennifer Aniston  and some guy who has no name because he is in a movie with Jennifer Aniston and no one cares who he is, which is why I don't know why anyone co-stars with Jennifer Aniston because she is a "Null & Voider."  That poor guy  - whatever his name is - will now be that guy who was in that movie with Jenifer Aniston and they won't even remember the name of the movie just like I couldn't do until I looked it up.  See?  She's like a really cute bottle of White Out.  Wait.  No one uses that anymore.  She's like a pretty delete button, or an evil yet sexy paper shredder.  Point is, no one is REALLY in a movie with Jennifer Aniston. At least no one that anyone can remember.

Ok,  quickly - here is the movie plot.  NY city couple have to move out of the city and end up at a commune.  Yeah, I know, it sounds pretty bad.  And it really kind of is, but it's not as bad as most of the reviewers say it is.  It's kind of funny and some parts are really funny - but what's even funnier is  one of the reviewer's comment.  After he gave the movie a 1 star, he justified his opinion by saying "Why do we only see the old people naked?" 

Whoa.  Deep stuff here, man.  You must be a professional Hollywood critic.  Let's get together some time and discuss the symbolism of drooping saggy old people ass in juxtaposition with the town official character in his suit and tie.    Besides, listen.   As I just said like 36 seconds ago,  if Jennifer Aniston was naked in that scene all the rest of the naked people would have been erased, shredded, whited out or deleted.  Why?  Because no one would have been looking at them anyway, and the movie studio would still have to pay the naked actors for being naked with her.  And that includes Alan Alda and he probably isn't cheap especially if he agrees to do a nude scene when he's like 80.

I don't know about you but I never found him sexy, even when he was younger.  Not even in "Same Time Next Year" when all the women fell in love with him because his character was sensitive and helped deliver Ellen Burstyn's baby, not to mention the fact that all women imagine a secret boyfriend now and then.

But really it has nothing to do with Alan Alda.  I don't want to see any old saggy ass. So maybe Jennifer Aniston should have been in the nude scene so she could erase the others and I wouldn't have been quite so traumatized. Yes, that probably would be a good idea, now that I've thought about it and I guess I was wrong to criticize the "reviewer."  Oh look, I did it again - putting "reviewer" in quotes to suggest he wasn't a real reviewer but a pretentious poser.  What a bitch I am.  (But let's face it, his review was totally lame, right?)

Anyway, I liked the movie a little bit. And you might want to watch it but get ready to close your eyes when you see even a hint of loose skin.

You've been warned.

-Princess Stupidhead  

1 comment:

  1. How dare you admit to a Netflex subscription? In the world of blogging you should be posting about making your sofa from pallets, gargling with chalk paint, slaughtering family pets for the slow cooker and my own new project , knitting nettle knickers.


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