Monday, January 20, 2014
Sisters are Doin' It For Themselves
Since I do wear clothes (don't believe the rumors) it's not a big problem, but the nearly big problem comes when I have to try to discreetly escort her back to her solitary C-cup confinement. There's really no way to do it except to grab the cup of the bra and shake it until Right Sister settles herself in. That is not something that can be done without getting some attention, hence lately I notice that all the older men in the neighborhood come out to walk their dogs when I go out to the woodpile, a place where I bend over to pick up wood. (exactly the type of exercise that frees that sneaky Sister every time.)
It's not bad enough that my yard already looks like a giant Spring Mix Salad Blend (on its best day) but every dog around seems to really like my yard, especially the corner (it's that whole stop sign/fire hydrant/dirty old man owner thing I guess) but when I'm out hauling wood and shaking Big Sister down I start seeing dogs I have never seen before taking their sweet lil' ole' time doin' their business. So basically Big Sister is causing me some problems, is all I'm sayin.
Sometimes when I was bored working at the store last Winter, I would strike up a conversation with one of the ladies about bras. They all love to talk about bras. No really, guys if you're at a loss on a date, just bring up a discussion about the lack of quality lingerie available these days. You'll get some leg for sure.
So, anyway, in order to make sure that people would stay in the shop with me longer so I wouldn't be left alone for hours with only The Evil Mannequins, I went online do what we all say we're doing online when we are doing nothing of the sort - I did some "RESEARCH," so that I could come across as somewhat of a bra expert, hence people would make a point of coming in just to discuss undergarments with me and the longest hours of my life would go by much faster. While researching the subject, I found a site for a company that sells half-bras. Yes, they will sell two halves of a bra, each one in any size you like and you just snap them together, and then I did nothing but tell customers about that. They were amazed and asked for the name of the site, and of course I told them that I had forgotten, but actually I didn't want to jeopardize my new-found expert status. I mean, next thing you know, everyone in town would be walking around talking about the half-bra thing as if they discovered it. Yeah, no way. I have to be the queen of something. At least once.
Anyway, I never ordered one of those bras. I just liked knowing that they exist for some reason that seems to have escaped me right now. It's, you know, just how I roll.
So stay tuned because I'm going shopping and the only hint I'll give you is this - nothing on this planet, nothing in the whole universe or that matter,is sexier than the Sears Catalog.