Yesterday I Had a Birthday And I Might Have Learned a Few Things But I Don't Know For Sure Because I Think I Was Drunk

Hi.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Birthdays cause you to reflect and so I made sure to buy the large bottle of Advil. And then I decided not to bother with boring stuff like reflection because it was my birthday and there had to be way better stuff to do.

Since I am another year older, and according to legend, smarter, I will offer what I learned from life so far. Mostly this is what I learned this weekend because my memory isn't what it used to be and because I tend to live in the moment due to my short attention span and my tendency to change my mind about things previously sworn to, under the perils of death, to be my absolute solemn beliefs, and I have a tendency to be drunk.

1, The show Biography is a very low budget show. They obviously don't have the money to buy the rights to the songs owned by the artists they dedicate the show to. Yesterday I watched an entire biography on Freddie Mercury and although I learned that he had 4 extra teeth which he claimed reshaped his pallet so that he could sing as well as he did and that he would not have them removed even though they were pushing all his other teeth forward, I did not hear even one Queen song during the show. I also noticed that other than the interviews with people with six or more degrees of separation from Freddie, there were only still photographs shown - exactly seven pictures - displayed, over and over again for the duration of the show which is like - oh I don't know - seems like about 4 hours? But I'm prone to exaggeration.

2. Turns out just being on Facebook will get you all kinds of attention on your birthday, all of the cyber kind, but still. And it also guarantees that your children will not bother with greeting cards because (a) you live in a place so far away it can't be reached by mail (b) that would require that they actually remembered your birthday at all and then still had time to confer with each other to decide if your birthday is on the 20th or the 21st. (c) they can operate the computer while still in their pajamas and despite deeply regretting this decision, they once befriended you on Facebook and you accepted.

3. What you've always known about your children continues to be true. So additional birthdays serve only as confirmation of these indisputable facts, like the one in which I announced (many years ago) that each of my children is unique - proven again yesterday in the unique and special way each acknowledged my birthday.

Daughter number 3 (she's listed first because she called me first) relies on Birthday Reminders via email, however she then picks up the telephone and calls. If I am not available, she leaves a message and then calls until I am home.

Daughter number 2 calls when I'm not home, leaves a message, doesn't call back but sends me an invite to be a contact on her Blackberry Messenger.

Daughter number 1, logs onto Facebook, sees all the lovely messages from people that didn't once crawl out of my crotch, then, being competitive by nature, posts a FB birthday message and calls to sing me the birthday song.

Anyway, all this attention and lack of resulted in lots more attention from other people and as it turns out?

4. Pity can be highly profitable! Our friends threw a party and showered me with gifts (see video below,) my husband made sure the day was completely and awesomely special by taking me for afternoon tea and antique shopping and then buying me the good wine and making a lovely duck dinner. Bunny called and planned to come out for a visit next month and my sister called and talked to me for over an hour this morning resulting in an extension of my jammie time.

And it's Murphy's law, my friends that when one is still in her jammies at noon the UPS man will call on the telephone to announce that he is downstairs with a package - because for some reason the man we spend all kinds of money on to handle the front desk of the condo is again, not at the desk. And also? When I get into the elevator, the front desk man is standing there, beholding me without makeup and looking very very much my new ripe old age and soon it will be all over the building that I am indeed a very ugly morning person.

But that's another story for another day when my hair is washed and I am wearing underwear.

Carry on!

The Crazy Cow by Dave and Janine

Narration/Comments: by Donkey Dave and Princess Stupidhead

Special Appearance by "Cow" (in the role of Crazy Cow)

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this movie.