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Thursday, January 28, 2010

What The World Needs Now


Dear Mr. iJobs,

i think you're pretty cool and all and you hire all these really smart people to create some really nifty new gadgets, but I think you might be running out of ideas.

While a giant iPhone is great for the older generation who have developed problems with their iSight, i don't think there is a real overall NEED for the iPad. Yes, i do not think it is necessary in life.

Now, don't get me wrong, i have in my possession quite a few things that are not necessary in life. In fact, i gravitate to the stuff that is thought of by most as useless. But that's another story for another day. Let's get to the point.

While i don't think there is a real need for the iPad, i do think there is a absolute need for the Vanishing Computer which i named (for blogging purposes only) the iPoof.

You see, Steve - hope i can call you Steve, but if you take offense, tough shit because this is my blog - a terrible thing happened recently. Well, several terrible things really, including some terrorist crazy ass who ended up frying his own privates, but what's worse than this is the resulting restrictions put on travel these days. While traveling on a aircraft you are not allowed to do anything to help pass the time. Well, nothing interesting, that is.

Oh sure you can talk to the person next to you, but let's face it - things like laptop computers, head phones/ear buds and really really large books were invented just so you wouldn't have to do that.

And yes, you are still allowed to listen to the screaming baby 3 seats down for 5 hours until the cries eventually take on some sort of tune similar to maybe some well known song and then if this happens , you can ask whoever you're sitting next to to "name that tune," but that game gets pretty old pretty fast and next thing you know your travelling companion has changed the subject to something that makes you long for a cyanide tablet.

Besides, babies have this incredible sixth sense.

They know when they are annoying you and know when they are amusing you, and the minute the annoyance turns into amusement they stop whatever resulted in even the mild amusement of others. i mean, have you ever tried laughing and smiling while a kid is in a full throttle tantrum? Yeah, they stop. They stare at you. But then, that keen almost alien-like sense that only those under six have kicks in. Then they realize that you are just trying to trick them into being quiet so they start again, only this time much much louder and then they vomit. Trust me. i know these things.

Anyway, my point is, there isn't a lot to do that you want to do and are allowed to do on airplanes anymore. So what we really need, Steve, is a vanishing computer.

We need a computer you can just make disappear the minute you see the flight attendant (or the boss/wife/husband/is approaching.) And then you can make it appear again when the coast is once more clear. It will be as easy as minimizing your screen, only you minimize the whole damn thing and it goes - oh who cares - somewhere (don't you have guys with bad skin who worry about such details?) and there you go.

A real handy new item that is truly, truly needed.



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