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Thursday, December 17, 2009

My MusicTheory

You know, you'd think if you were married to someone not only in the music industry but also with a masters degree in music you'd at least get to play around with musical instruments once in a while.

You know, like maybe, just for fun, he'd show you how to make cool screaming sounds on an electric guitar. Nothing too serious, mind you, just some crazy sounds. And maybe you'd add a little rock star movement to the mix, and a bandanna headband, perhaps some fog, a few pyrotechnics and of course some good reefer.

Yes, you'd think it would be easy like that. But it's not.

And you know why? The more a person like Dave knows about music, the more appalling the idea that someone who knows absolutely NOTHING about music would actually just want to have a little fun. It is unthinkable to Dave these types that I a person would be content to learn 2 cords and jump around a little.

I mean I could understand the hesitation if I thought I the non-musical person actually believed that it was this easy - that learning two cords, leaning wayyyy back and then bending over and sweating a little was actually playing music.

Well, then, of course if I were Dave the Music Major, I'd be rather insulted. But you know, if he considered that The Music Major's Wife, might be growing tired of answering the inevitable question posed to her by the newly acquainted "Are you musical too?" with a tired "No, I just appreciate it," - and that maybe just once she'd like it to go something like this,

"Are you musical too?"
"Yes"
"Really? What do you play?"
"Screaming guitar."

well then I think the Music Major might just put his principles aside for a bit and indulge her stupid little teenage fantasy.

Yes, it's a cautionary tale, my friends. Many have witnessed this scenario time and time again. I mean what can you expect when the majorly musical and the musically retarded insist on marrying?

And too often we have all seen this end badly - predictably. We watch and wait for the telltale signs - the new underwear, the piercings, the electric guitar appliqued t-shirt (one you can really play!), long hours locked in a room play the same 2 or maybe even 3 cords over and over, the too many late nights out with "the girls," sneaking in the house at all hours of the morning, smelling of sweat and weed, not to mention the whisperings of others who wonder why oh why would she resort to a novelty t-shirt when she had the Major Award??

Age old questions, my friends, and sadly ones that may never be answered.

(But do feel free to try.)

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