Friday, August 7, 2009

I Found My Knitting but I've Lost My Way

No I didn't die, I've just found my yarn.

Don't worry, it's a hobby. I'm not one of those yarn-crazed people who devote whole rooms or garages or basements to the storage of yarn and thousands of unfinished projects. I am a realistic knitter. I know my limits. However I did locate a local yarn shop which is (thankfully) forcing me to use the public transit system, something I have been afearing for quite some time.

You see, I'm directionally challenged.

By directionally challenged I mean I am lost more often than not. I don't remember where I've been, so just because I got somewhere doesn't mean I will remember how to get out of wherever I got to. Even getting out of buildings is hard for me. If I should take a left turn in a corridor, I will take a right.

Ok, you get the picture.

So I'm kind of afraid of public transportation what with all the maps and stops and that whole east/west/north/south thing. Any question similar to Do you mean Queen Street east or west? is met with my signature blank stare.

However, I have talked Dave into riding the streetcar with me this weekend to the closest yarn shop - a mere five miles away or a certain number of kilometers (more than 5) but I don't remember how many. Point is - it's not that far and so I can probably handle it. And of course when travelling alone, I will always carry cab fare because when I get lost I tend to cry and we both know I'm too old for that nonsense.

Oh, and also? (updated from the original version) This is really nice of Dave because he kind of hates fabric/yarn/ribbon/string/bead/scrapbooking/collage/embroidery/shoe making/spinning/weaving type shops. I don't know why, some childhood trauma or something. He says these places make him "tired." So I promised him some cookies and a juicebox and a trip to the golf store after. I told him he could play games on his iPhone while I shop.

So Dave is taking me because he will do anything these days to prevent having to look upon my sad face. I think right about now he is kind of wishing I was one of those Mummenschanz guys - you know with face made of clay? And he could just pull my mouth into a smile. Ok, it would probably look like a scary evil grimace because let's face it, if that face pulling thing was easy the Mummenshanz wouldn't be pulling in the big bucks. But he'd still try because I think he would prefer an evil grimace to sad face because at least with evil grimace I'd look like I had lips.

Speaking of Dave, he is now a rock star. In the Reunion Tour kind of rock star way - you know, like when a bunch of old guys decide to tour as a band again, but this is different because they aren't touring again, they're just touring, and it's not exactly touring because they aren't playing anywhere outside of the city yet, but the point is, he's playing in a band and he's producing their music and I'd love to tell you what the name of the band is, but then you'd know our true identities and we couldn't be able to be superhero crime fighters anymore and then you'd be in big trouble, realizing all we've done all this time to keep you safe and you'd cry and I'd say don't come crying to me I told you this would happen if I revealed the band's name. Then you'd feel bad and I don't want you to feel bad because I love you guys.

I love you so much that for all you knitters out there, I came up with a cool little stitch pattern which depending on the yarn and needles can be used for all kinds of things, scarves, baby blankets, etc. Here it is.

Janine's Awesome Stitch Pattern And Don't Come Crying To Me If You Screw it Up Because I Don't Know How to Fix Knitting Yet

Basically, it's a moss stitch with some yarn overs thrown in.

(cast on whatever number of stitches you like - depends on what you're making - but make it an odd number)

Row 1 and 2 *k1, p1* Repeat from * and end with K1
Row 3 and 4 *p1, k1* Repeat from * and end with a P1
Row 5 - Knit 3, *YO k2together* Repeat until last 2 stitches, knit 2

If that doesn't pull a smile onto your clay face, I don't know what will.



  1. I am a closet knitter. And I have hoards of yarn and lonely, forgotten projects.

  2. I'm sorry I don't have the knitting gene. My grandmother had it, my Mom has it, My sister has it but I don't.

    My Hubby thinks I should get a R tattooed on my right hand and a L tattooed on my left hand. I don't think that's necessary but whenever I say right, I think left. So there you have it!

    Happy knitting!



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