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Friday, May 1, 2009



Today Dave woke up with an ear infection.

Self-diagnosed.

So I did the usual testing including announcing "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" and then just to confirm, I told him I was strangely attracted to the dog across the street. He responded indifferently to both confessions and so because we are not yet in the stage of our relationship where he is just basically indifferent towards me all the time, I was pretty convinced that there is something awry with his ear. Hence I grabbed this opportunity to tell him about the new purse I bought. Leather soft as butter. He nodded and smiled, kind of like that woman who works at the dry cleaning establishment down the street. (Perfectly lovely woman who doesn't understand a word I say.) I responded to his oblivious smile with a signed version of I love you.

Now he's off to the clinic where he will undoubtedly be exposed to Babe's Revenge. But that's all I want to say about that because quite frankly this pandemic thing is starting to get old. I really wish that the media would stop ruining my perfectly lovely day of fantasizing and escapism by reporting on such things. I mean it's Mexico, right? Far far away. Someplace where they apparently kiss pigs and such and so I don't really have to worry about that besides there are pretty pillows to buy for the guest room and I wonder if I should try a hair- straightening tool?

Warning: Abrupt subject change. You know how all these celebs are using Twitter now? Well, I was bored out of my fucking mind doing some research yesterday and I noticed that none of the celebs follow regular people. I mean some could be regular, but I bet they are at least non-celeb friends of the celeb. Like, I want to see one celeb just randomly follow me on twitter, you know from that handy Follow Me link on this blog. I mean, even Weird Al. Especially Weird Al. That would be extremely cool and would make me forget that pigs even get the flu.

I said I'D FORGET ABOUT THE PIG FLU!

Geez.

UPDATED: Ear Infection Confirmed. Doctor said "I just kissed a pig" and Dave said "What?"

Doc handed him a prescription.

4 comments:

  1. What's all this I hear about the deaf penalty?

    Actually, speaking of the pig flu, they have changed the name to the H4VWZY-2ME Flu. Deoesn't quite have the same ring.

    Apparently the WHO was worried people would think they could get the flu from pigs or (I am not making this up)eating pork.

    Frankly I think anyone who is stupid enough to think that deserves to die. Kinda Darwinian, ya know?

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  2. I kept joking about the "swine flu" because the name is so damn hilarious but then it dawned on me. This is exactly the kind of thing that I will probably die from. At my funeral people will be snickering behind their hands "I mean it's not funny. But swine flu? snicker snicker"
    Bad. I've quit joking now.

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  3. Dave - Oh, thank God you can't catch the flu from pigs. I was worried about that one time, you know when I was drunk and someone dared me?

    As a matter of fact I was just looking up Swine Flu Incubation period on Google so your new information was both welcomed and timely. I guess I've dodged the bullet again!

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  4. follow that dog - yes, that would be the perfect end to my life story too.

    They'd say things like "Well, you know, she was always a little different....god love her." Sniff. Snicker.

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